do what now?

Poking my toes in the waters of SURRENDER the last couple of days. What is it? What does it feel like? And I found myself bumping up against all the negative connotations of surrender:

give up
give in
being down
and out
failing
losing
succumbing to a loss of control.

So I tried to turn that last one around:

give up control
open
relinquish
cleanse
trust
faith
peace

I find myself ricocheting around in a box between attempting to be open to the process and the possibilities and wanting PROOF NOW. I realized how many times I say to myself "But how will I KNOW?"

So I wrote down these words ...

Be at peace.
Trust the truth inside the mystery.
Allow the answers to appear.

Surrender. Supplication. Trust.

Oh trust. Why are you such a mountain? And what do I do about my fear of heights?!